Situationship

Today we will learn more about healthy relationships through the 5 skills discussed last week: Allowing.

As a relationship therapist, I've seen how perspectives on marriage and dating have changed over the past few decades. Women are waking up looking at multiple broken relationships with no one there for them now that they are in their 40's, 50's, and 60's.They come to therapy to try and figure out what they can do differently in order to "find a man" who will commit to growing old with them. Sadly, they all report, "The good ones are all taken." The reality is, they wouldn't know a good man if they saw one. The problem is their ideal man George Clooney (photo) is taken. Oh wait, that's MY ideal man...oops.

A new term has popped up on the dating scene: Situationship. It's when a couple have undefined expectations, rules, or roles in dating. They can spend time together, but they are not exclusive. They can have sex and also be sexually active with others. They talk, but don't talk about deep meaningful things. They connect today, but there is no discussion of a future. Someone might say, "He's not Mr. Right, but he's Mr. Right Now." Those engaged in this type of relationship are afraid of being hurt so they never open up their heart to vulnerability. The relationship falters and fails before it has even begun. Sadly, so many people end up staying in this type of relationship because it's better than being alone.

Author David Richo said in his book, How To Be An Adult in Relationships that we all require 5 things that allows us to be successful in relationships and discussing what it means to allow others the freedom to live in accordance with their own "deepest needs and wishes." But what if you don't know what you want, need, or desire? What if you just don't want to be alone? What if you have to have someone because you can't stand yourself, your singleness, and will take anyone over no one? If this is what motivates you, you will always look to take from others what you can't give to yourself.

I believe before we can allow others to be themselves, we must first allow ourselves the freedom to give to ourselves in ways that meets our needs and wishes. When you can give first to yourself you won't need to demand others to give to you. When your cup is full you won't go looking for someone to pour into you. Fill your cup through acts of serving yourself, give love to yourself, give hope, encouragement, and seek joy for yourself. Then you can give and receive those things from others without unrealistic expectations. Allowing yourself to be the best you can be gives you confidence to find others who also will allow you to be the best you can be.

It can be a mid-life crisis or a mid-life opportunity.

If you'd like to learn how to live intentional, check out my book of the same name: Live Intention. Live the life you always wanted, but never believed you could. Available at Barns and Noble, Amazon, and iTunes https://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=live-intentional