Compare or Contrast

Do you ever consider how your life compares with the lives of those around you and feel like you come up wanting? Do you do things that you don't want to do because you want to fit in? Do you feel regret or shame after you've compromised your decisions and resent those who pressured you even if they were unaware of their influence over your choices? Do you ever hate the life you are living because you don't know how to live any other way?

You're suffering the consequences of the choices you make to appease other people who don't care about you.

When we compare our lives with others, we assume all things are equal. They are the same age, same gender, same grade, same neighborhood, etc., but the lives they lead are very different. Comparisons only occur with the things that are on the outside and visible: a person's weight, hair, color of skin, complexion, clothes, friends, or relationships. In the moment we can be envious of what they have that we don't have and never even consider the things we can't see. Comparisons magnify the value of what other's have and minimizes what we have because it's not something we are seeking but already possess. Comparison with another requires you to focus away from yourself and onto the other. It is discouraging because you see yourself as lacking, not good enough, and may even despise the person you are. Envy creates self-hate and can lead you toward destruction.

Contrasting your life with another person's life whom you admire is different. To contrast you must look at your life and the person you are trying to emulate in a honest way. The things you contrast are also different because they are things that have relevance to improving your life. You focus on things like character and performance. You look at things you can change. By focusing on areas you can improve in your life will bring your life meaning can raise your self-esteem. If you think someone is brave you can learn to be brave as well. If you think someone is smart you can do things to increase your intelligence. If you think someone makes good decisions you can learn and gain wisdom. If you admire their drive and ambition you can follow in their footsteps toward becoming the best person you can be.

To compare is to see the things you don't have. To contrast is to see where your starting from and how you can improve. The first gives you reasons to stop trying, the second gives you encouragement to try. When you move toward the destination of your choosing, you can have an expectation of arriving there. Shoot for the stars, and even if you land on the moon, your closer to your destination than you would be if you never tried.

One of my clients recently shared with me his thoughts regarding expectation,"Expectation, many of us pray with no EXPECTATION of receiving answers, because many throw their prayers out as if they are fishing with a net, no purpose or belief, but when you use a reel and rod, then you have purpose. So let your prayers have purpose and hope until it is answered."

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding

except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

If you'd like to learn more about making lasting changes, read my book: Live Intention. Live the life you always wanted, but never believed you could. Available at Barns and Noble, Amazon, and iTunes https://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=live-intentional