Pay Attention To ME

I love watching children play in nature. They explore their surroundings finding bugs on the ground and birds in the air. They smell the sweet fragrance of springs blooming flora and colors exploding on the horizon. If they are lucky, they may cross paths with a squirrel, a chipmunk, or a mouse. In certain places they may see a deer grazing or a bear and her cubs meandering by. They are paying attention and they are learning about nature.

I hate when I see children who are being neglected by their parents who would rather watch their phones, listen to podcasts, drink, smoke, or leave all together. They are paying attention and they are learning about relationships and what they are learning is that they don't matter to their parents.

Recently, I wrote a blog about 5 skills everyone needs to master to have healthy relationships. The first skill is to pay attention and not just when there is a problem, but when there is positive things happening as well. When a child comes home with their report card and have 4 As and 1 D, the parent focuses on the D and how to improve that instead of praising the child for the As. When a child attempts something new, the parent who wants to teach them to do better will criticize and belittle their efforts and give directions how to do it better next time. When a child is uncertain and wants their parents advice and the parent can't be bothered, what lesson is the child learning? The lessons you are teaching is that nothing is ever going to be good enough, that they will never be good enough, and that they can never rely upon their parent.

In an article published April 15, 2022 by PsychCentral, "Nearly Half of U.S. Teens Report Feeling Sad and Hopeless. What Can Be Done?" author Aundrea Rice quotes the CDC numbers showing"44% of teens in the United States report feeling persistently sad and hopeless" and makes this observation, "It’s never been easy to be a teenager, but today’s youth are grappling with a mental health crisis of epic proportions." The article identifies causes resulting from "loss of a caregiver, financial difficulty, hunger and food insecurity, less socialization, physical and emotional abuse at home, and larger systemic issues," but they totally miss the main reason children are anxious and depressed, they are not seen by their parents who look at them only when they mess up.

Everyone wants someone to notice them, to hear them, to see them, to pay attention to them. That's why therapists have more work than they can handle. A good therapist will give their clients a safe space where they can cry and share their pain. They know the therapist is listening to them without judgement or blame. The first thing I teach my student therapists is they must be willing to give the client their full attention. Listen intently, be present, and don't talk more than your client (your spouse, your children) because that means you've gone into solution mode and stopped paying attention. Most veterans who commit suicide have attempted to get someone to listen to them, but were unsuccessful in their search. I believe we at Encouragers Counseling & Training Centers have not lost one client to suicide in over 10 years because of the importance we place on paying attention.

If you'd like to learn how to live intentional, check out my book of the same name: Live Intention. Live the life you always wanted, but never believed you could. Available at Barns and Noble, Amazon, and iTunes https://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=live-intentional